..imagine if the world could get behind it.. the combined strength would propel us all!

i think i want to leave the country shortly after graduating. i see all these wonderful places in pictures and learn about them in school and i feel like i need to experience them...

...i have my commitments though, college, my family, my band, but then again, in a year in a half who knows how i will feel about those things.. i just feel a need to live life, and make memories worth telling my grandchildren..

religion.

everyday i realize how much more i love the lord and how much more he deserves my praise.

Let Him fall, like the walls of Jericho.
Let the earth shake in me and I'll continue to sing..

And just like that,

I'm crossed out of the picture.

Please excuse me but I got to ask..

..we all have a lot to learn from Thom Yorke.

..no idea where I'll be going.

Jennifer and I are no longer dating, I am simply not ready to be a boyfriend.

Dungeons & Dragons

So I played DnD for the first time tonight and I loved it, it was an awesome. I've been listening to a lot harder music lately, well it hasn't been lately, but I guess I've been enjoying it more than indie or any other music.

I hate to sound cliche, but Underoath has become one of my favorite bands, ever since Warped I've been fascinated by them, even downloaded a few DVDs of theirs.

Hindenburg & Mathias

Call it a shame, call it a disaster, call it a falling out, whatever. We are done. My passion for the past ten months has come to a screeching halt. I am torn, I am lost, I am depressed. This is the song that doesn't end on a good note.

things to work on: I

By nature, I am not a kind person. I simply wasn't born with the inkling to be kind to people. I can be, anyone can, but I come off as an asshole, because I am one.

I guess for me the "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all" rule is a rule for me to live by, but I don't. I really have never cared what people thought of me, and I am always the first to think before I speak. Unfortunately, I've been doing that more now than ever and its affecting my friendships. I've crossed the line of being critical or occasionally crossing the line to constantly adding in my two cents and never having a kind look on my face.

I am making an effort to stop, because if I don't then I won't. Sadly its not in me to grow to be a kind person so I am going to have to force it.

I did some thinking,

I did some thinking tonight about my life. Everything is running smoothly now, I am the closest I have ever been to God (not to say that I have stopped trying to become closer), these days I am holding the hand of a WONDERFUL gal, my friends are all getting along, and getting along with me. But I can't help but be scared, my junior year of high school is going to start in a matter of days. Its going to be such an experience, I guess I just want people to think differently of me and maybe listen to what I have to say, maybe notice when I pick out a nice outfit. Maybe thats not what I should want from Marion, but I do.

Seventeen.

Well, I'm seventeen today, and I couldn't be more excited. I love birthdays, I just love growing up. Today I feel like nothing can bring me down, not bad words, bad weather, bad friends, or even what happened with Emily.. I hope to do a lot this year, I'd like to mature, go somewhere with the band, meet my father, find a girl to start a wonderful relationship with, gain respect, start respecting, find a good hairstyle, be a better vegetarian, come home on time, get a tattoo or two, and most importantly become closer to the Lord. Here's to being seventeen and having a wonderful year of life.

Wow

People really, really are starting to dislike me. I've got a problem with kindness, I can be a saint to a stranger, but to my closest and dearest friend I am a dick, and the worst part of it is I don't realize it, I've worn out my sorrys and my excuses, so I am going to have to make some drastic changes towards her and to others in general.

I deal with a set of shackles everyday of my life. Its called Racism. Thats all I'm gonna say about that.

I am going through a change, a change that is for the better, I am working really, really hard to become a young man of God. Its hard and my outward actions seem as though I'm straying away, but I promise to anyone who reads this, and more importantly to myself that I am working to feel His grace more and more each day.

I'm not perfect, I'm young, I'm brash and I do care what other people say and think about me. I am trying not to let that last one bring me down.

Happy.

I am constantly telling people to be happy, I've realized that its been a while since I heard that myself.

..girl

You still leave me in a daze..



..I just gotta be careful.

mewithoutYou

You know, I always told myself that I'd never be one of those "mewithoutYou kids," you know, the kids that loved them and always talked about them and how amazing they were, and at first I actually didn't like mwY, but around the time of a breakup, I went out and randomly purchased their newest, Brother, Sister, and I just connected with it, with the music, with the words, with the inflections in Aaron's voice, everything. I love that album and it sparked enough interest in me to learn more about the guys themselves. I learned that they have a wonderful relationship with the Lord and a very unique and appealing outlook on Christianity. Tonight was indescribable, Aaron started the set with "well here goes nothin'" and they played one of the best performances I've ever seen from anyone. They had a seamless set which was great, and their stage prescence and just everything was perfect. mewithoutYou now means so much more to me than just another band, they are almost like a feeling, I felt so different being in that audience, it was like I was in a wave and the music moved me and completely surrounded me. It was extraordinary.

Jerk

I hate being a jerk to people, especially girls, and especially girls that I at one time shared something wonderful with. I could never stand for things to end badly, and its even worse when they involve matters of the heart. Well at least I thought I couldn't, it seems like a part of me likes ruining things, which is odd because I have a hard time letting go. I guess its good that things ended this way, with all ties severed, but the things I said were not good and I'd like to apologize for them. I hope in the future things don't turn out like this.

I'll be singing

I'll be singing of us
Long after you've forgotten my name,
I'll be singing of us,
Of times well spent,
Of memories long gone,
I'll be singing of us.

Girl

I don't know if anyone even reads this, let alone her. Everyone, thank the Lord for who you have, if you are blessed with someone who likes you and begins to care for it, appreciate it, be happy with it, don't worry about it. Its hard, and sadly I have failed at my own words.

I complicate things, I am a simple young man, but I worry, unfortunately my actions have gotten the best of me. I feel alone, and its all my fault.



I'm sorry.

Summer.

One day. Just one.


Things with her are looking up, I have to be cautious, and my trust for her is little, but she is worth it.

Girl.

Your fault, you lied.

My fault









I let you.

Girl.

You told me that you would never hurt me. Did you lie?

Religion

"Thank the Lord that love is work."

I love God. As the school year ends I can't help but reflect. So many good things have happened this year, and all because of Him. He is truly great. Recently, I was blessed with a wonderful girl, and everything was amazing, honestly I was on top of the world every time I was with her. Unfortunately, we have hit a rough spot concerning trust and getting hurt. I know I won't hurt her, and I know I'm a good guy, but I feel that the Lord has a different plan for me than to be with her. I really don't know what to do. I know that everything He does is right and just, but I don't want to lose her.

I will pray about this, I just hope things work out for the best.

H.

I can't say I miss what we had, I don't, but I miss you. As a person, your positive attitude, your smile, your voice, your relationship with God, your certainty. I've been a complete jerk, I know, but I hope I wasn't a big enough one to ruin your outlook on me. I'm sorry.