have i been here before?

where have i been with God? since december, my walk with him has more or less come to a complete stop, from that time up until just last saturday, i have smoked more weed and drank more alcohol and been to more parties than i had ever before, and whats even worse.. without a conscience. i have treated everyone i know and care about with hate and coldness, and hurt them in many ways.. i smoke cigarettes now, and whats worse than the fact that i can't stop, is the fact that i don't want to.. before, in the summer i was so close with him, i could feel the fire inside of being uplifted by the holy spirit, and now the best i can do is yearn for that.. i'm not living the life i want to be living.. nothing is as good to me as it was.

i need to get back on the path with the Lord, and i need to turn my life around.. i have stopped the partying, but how short lived will that be? i honestly have no idea.. my life isn't what it should be, but i can't get back on the right path with anything, not just my faith, alone.

i need help, but i am far too prideful to ask anyone for it.. if you can help me, please, please do..