i was swimming through the waves, for what must have been days! but could find no relief..

today, my grandma and i went to a joint therapy session with my counselor, mike, and hers, cheryl.  it was great, a lot of stuff that has been bothering me with us was brought to the front, and the same with her.  i feel a lot better about stuff, and with them, i think she will be able to understand where i am coming from more.  

rodeo played great tonight, they felt a lot more real tonight, maybe because it was at harmon street, but i dunno, i felt like we were all connected with the music and everyone was having a great time..

i'm here for you, but i won't let you keep saying the same things and thinking the same things, that repetition is insanity, you HAVE to overcome this, and i know before i told you to take your time.. but at this point its becoming harder and harder for all of us to deal with.. especially you.

out with the hot, out with my bad mood.

yesterday and today simply rejuvenated me, the feeling of autumn is here, and i couldn't be more appreciative of it.  i love this season, everything goes right during this time, and i'm ready.. i'm hopeful for anything, and i just feel love.

in their defense, they don't refuse..

your ill-weathered words are discouraging. stop saying there aren't any good boys out there, and please stop saying you are tired of them. don't let one bad experience with one boy ruin your outlook on others, it makes me feel like there is no hope at all. don't take me for granted.



don't take me for granted.

when will these barricades fall?

we all put up barricades, all form some superficial barricades for protection against the most gentle of things, and sometimes the most harmful of things too.  lately, i've been letting those barricades fall, being vulnerable, and though it may hurt at first, in the long run its making me a better person altogether.  hows your faith been lately?  mine has been compromised, and there is no denying that.  its starting to take its toll on me, hell, today even my spanish teacher noticed something was wrong, he said that i looked like i was at a funeral.  i'm not sad, not at all, i'm happy with the change that i'm going through; its just that i'm unfulfilled. i remember at the end of last school year, i felt a calling to a higher standard, but unfortunately, the summer came and i lost sight of that and ended up in a huge rut.  i'll keep praying to realize this calling, and who knows how long it will take to hear my answer, but i have the patience to wait.

i can't make any sense of these words that are in reverse

i've been wrong before you know.

i felt heaven yesterday, i swear it.  

i'm not gonna waste these words about a girl..

i'm done, i'm giving up. i'm tired of arguing and worrying and being treated with a second-hand. i hope you can clear your mind of confusion, i now know that i can't make you, and i'm too worn out at this point to even try.

..i've been singin' all my songs to you.

i'm not gonna let things get me down anymore, i'm not gonna be so fucking pessimistic about this anymore. i'm going on arms up, and i'm going to be there for you. your happiness matters to me most, i'm not going to be selfish about it anymore. i care about you and you know that, i'm hanging in there, whether it be for me, or for you.