not much chance for survival..

it felt weird not to be spending time with you last night, i just felt empty.. but its okay, i'm glad you had a fun time last night, and Tulo and i had fun too.  today i'm getting whatever piercing, and i really hope you like it.. if not then i might take it out.. but anyway, i hope to see you later on today!

sit me down, shut me up, i'll calm down, and i'll get along with you...

we played amazingly tonight, looking up and seeing you smiling and dancing in the crowd made my night. i like you.

rehearsed indifference tossed aside,

today was wonderful, i LOVE performing, more than any other action that i can do. the guys and girl from boston were just awesome, though the music was different from what i'm used to, i still really enjoyed it. i feel like we made some friends, and i'm so happy that we finally got to bring anywhere with you the life its long deserved.

today, when you sat next to me on the couch, i got butterflies, and i liked it.. i'm enjoying everyday with you, and i guess just about the biggest judge will be my hairstylist, she ALWAYS knows when someone is right or wrong.

i insist that i'll be dearly missed!

practice today was AWESOME, seriously, the show tomorrow has a lot of potential, and i hope that we all can meet that. today was also the first school day that i haven't spent with skip after school, and needless to say, i felt off center. i really do enjoy our time together, and she comforts me. i'm starting to feel older, i really am. today jazzmin was being lazy and her excuse for it was "we're seniors!" and i know this, but it hit me, i really AM an adult, and i really AM almost done with high school. i'm not scared to move on, i just feel like i should have more time enjoying my youth rather than fretting about it. another shock was the fact that most freshmen were born in 1994. i was four years old at this point, also, i took driver's ed. in august of 2005.. i feel the heartburn and arthritis setting in.

a million miles closer, however far away!

a year ago today, Hindenburg & Mathias ended its life. a year ago tomorrow, i began to smoke cigarettes. its funny how so much time has passed, and how much i've changed. i miss the band, but i would never want to bring it back or anything like that. surprisingly, i haven't much to say on the matter.

today, skip and i went to our first day of yoga, and it was absolutely wonderful, not only was it an awesome physical work out, but also an intense spiritual one, focusing your energy into one place is not something people often do, but it is something great, and i can't wait to continue on with the class.

so many unanswered questions with that girl, i love it though, she told me to go with the flow, and i suppose i can give that a try.. i'm a worrier by nature, and my anxiety problem is at an all time high with this, except for the time i spend with her, which luckily, is a lot. i'm hanging in there.

i saw you run outside, I saw the fruit you ate..

today was tulo's birthday, as well as the first time i've attended church in nearly seven months. it was wonderful, i just kept praying and praying about this situation, i think i have come to peace with it as well, and along with bill's advice, i just have to take things slowly, and don't jump in head first for anything.

oh, and if you haven't heard, FIRS.

you never notice..

today i had a realization about you. i feel like you don't care about anyone but yourself, and you only use people, especially me, for your own benefit. i feel like you don't have any passion, i feel like you are living for today, and not for the future. i hate to sound like i'm holding it against you, but your lack of faith really gets to me, and i think thats why you are so pessimistic about life. i care about you, and you know it. don't let the shallowness and selfishness of others blind the love that some have for you. i wanna talk about this in person, we have a lot of things to talk about.