righting my wrongs,

one word at a time.

you gotta raise your voice sometimes to get things done..

very recently i made a trip to ohio, a needed break, a breather.. it was all that i expected to be and more, maintaining friendships with people you see only a few times a year is a hard thing to do, but making the effort to see them has its rewards. not to say my life here is bad, but sometimes, more often than not recently, i feel out of place. whether it be my lack of passion for drugs, or my lack of passion for anything more than a girl to have a one night stand with. i'll be eighteen on thursday, and i couldn't be more excited, its not a big deal, but it is you know..

i feel lost.. you said that you were a rock.

after nearly five months.. i am alone again.

i feel empty, i feel scared, and i feel uncertain.

but, these past five months were the greatest, and most certainly not a waste.


i'm sorry i didn't know about your ankle..

have i been here before?

where have i been with God? since december, my walk with him has more or less come to a complete stop, from that time up until just last saturday, i have smoked more weed and drank more alcohol and been to more parties than i had ever before, and whats even worse.. without a conscience. i have treated everyone i know and care about with hate and coldness, and hurt them in many ways.. i smoke cigarettes now, and whats worse than the fact that i can't stop, is the fact that i don't want to.. before, in the summer i was so close with him, i could feel the fire inside of being uplifted by the holy spirit, and now the best i can do is yearn for that.. i'm not living the life i want to be living.. nothing is as good to me as it was.

i need to get back on the path with the Lord, and i need to turn my life around.. i have stopped the partying, but how short lived will that be? i honestly have no idea.. my life isn't what it should be, but i can't get back on the right path with anything, not just my faith, alone.

i need help, but i am far too prideful to ask anyone for it.. if you can help me, please, please do..

katie

i'm at a loss with this situation... i can't let this friendship go down the drain.."

i wrote those words so, so, so long ago.. i hoped that by now they wouldn't hold true..

things have changed so much since last year... at this time, katie and i had our problems, but were still close, still best friends... and noah and i were on the road to being brothers.. but then all of a sudden, it all wore off. noah has caleb, katie had taylor, and now things are different. i had a hard time accepting this as i was usually the one with the shit end of the stick. not to say i didn't start a lot of crap, and not to say that i didn't do some terrible things in defense too.

i'm just lost... she still has so much hurt from things said long ago, and i don't think she can get over it. i don't know, maybe i get over things too easily.. but this has just stumped me.


i know i'm to blame, but you are too.

here we are, here and now.

today helen arth and i decided to be together.

..imagine if the world could get behind it.. the combined strength would propel us all!

i think i want to leave the country shortly after graduating. i see all these wonderful places in pictures and learn about them in school and i feel like i need to experience them...

...i have my commitments though, college, my family, my band, but then again, in a year in a half who knows how i will feel about those things.. i just feel a need to live life, and make memories worth telling my grandchildren..