i'll be there to comfort you..

..at ALL costs.

i look into the reflection of those eyes, looking back at me

its days like these that i don't take for granted. i think that all too often we take things for granted, and i feel like today, the blessings i have really shone through. playing bass is one of the best things i can do, entertaining people, and in this case, bringing some of my good friends' hard work to life is so rewarding. i started reading blue like jazz today, finally.. and i frankly don't think i had the right mind to really saturate it before now. everything happens for a reason, and it happens at exactly at the time it needs to happen. on the way to rudy's house, we talked about waiting and how the rewards of it are far better than the pain of the waiting itself, and that hit me hard. this uncertainty i have now is great, the lack of concrete knowledge and understanding is something new, and everyday, it becomes clearer and more blurred at the same time.

god is love and love is real... but thats not all..

don't get me wrong, i love to think of my lord as a happy-go-lucky grandfather type who hands out candy and hugs and high fives and is just dandy and just waits to grant forgiveness; but the truth is, there is more to our lord than that. all the time we hear "god is love! he loves you, and is always there for you and will give you forgiveness!" while this is true, i think it leads many people to believe that they can sin and sin and sin again and then be forgiven through their nightly prayers. HOWEVER, there was a time when people were god-fearing, as well as god-loving. i feel as though that has been pushed to the wayside. there is a wrath of god, lest we forget, he HAS brought fire and brimstone, and so many people overlook that. i feel as though god's love has become a copout and a way for sinning to be okay.. i feel there needs to be a conscious effort not to sin not only to just model ourselves after god's love, but to respect our father and 'keep good in the hood,' so to speak.

things are shaping up to be pretty odd.

today, i experienced one of the hardest things that i have ever had to deal with in my life, and that is saying goodbye.. today, micah moved to california, and though i am happy for him.. i will miss him. since the beginning of summer when a surprise text from him led him to live with me for the following two and a half months, micah has become a brother to me. i love him, and everyday without him will be harder. i cried when i had to say goodbye, but i tried to stop as to not look like a wimp in front of skip, but it really didn't matter to me. micah andrew harshaw, you mean the world to me. i will see you soon.

this feeling just keeps repeating, i know its got a hold on me..

essentially, this time of my life comes all too often.. but i lead myself to believe that it is different, and it may just be. usually when this feeling takes over, i end up courting then dating said apple of my eye. never, ever, have i felt this way about such a close friend, its bizarre and probably very awkward, but its true. and after two half-drunken nights which resulted in some of the most level-headed thinking i've had in these 18 years, i think we can be okay with this. i don't want to try to hard, but i can't hold back from trying at all...


more on this later i suppose.

righting my wrongs,

one word at a time.

you gotta raise your voice sometimes to get things done..

very recently i made a trip to ohio, a needed break, a breather.. it was all that i expected to be and more, maintaining friendships with people you see only a few times a year is a hard thing to do, but making the effort to see them has its rewards. not to say my life here is bad, but sometimes, more often than not recently, i feel out of place. whether it be my lack of passion for drugs, or my lack of passion for anything more than a girl to have a one night stand with. i'll be eighteen on thursday, and i couldn't be more excited, its not a big deal, but it is you know..