Dungeons & Dragons

So I played DnD for the first time tonight and I loved it, it was an awesome. I've been listening to a lot harder music lately, well it hasn't been lately, but I guess I've been enjoying it more than indie or any other music.

I hate to sound cliche, but Underoath has become one of my favorite bands, ever since Warped I've been fascinated by them, even downloaded a few DVDs of theirs.

Hindenburg & Mathias

Call it a shame, call it a disaster, call it a falling out, whatever. We are done. My passion for the past ten months has come to a screeching halt. I am torn, I am lost, I am depressed. This is the song that doesn't end on a good note.

things to work on: I

By nature, I am not a kind person. I simply wasn't born with the inkling to be kind to people. I can be, anyone can, but I come off as an asshole, because I am one.

I guess for me the "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all" rule is a rule for me to live by, but I don't. I really have never cared what people thought of me, and I am always the first to think before I speak. Unfortunately, I've been doing that more now than ever and its affecting my friendships. I've crossed the line of being critical or occasionally crossing the line to constantly adding in my two cents and never having a kind look on my face.

I am making an effort to stop, because if I don't then I won't. Sadly its not in me to grow to be a kind person so I am going to have to force it.

I did some thinking,

I did some thinking tonight about my life. Everything is running smoothly now, I am the closest I have ever been to God (not to say that I have stopped trying to become closer), these days I am holding the hand of a WONDERFUL gal, my friends are all getting along, and getting along with me. But I can't help but be scared, my junior year of high school is going to start in a matter of days. Its going to be such an experience, I guess I just want people to think differently of me and maybe listen to what I have to say, maybe notice when I pick out a nice outfit. Maybe thats not what I should want from Marion, but I do.

Seventeen.

Well, I'm seventeen today, and I couldn't be more excited. I love birthdays, I just love growing up. Today I feel like nothing can bring me down, not bad words, bad weather, bad friends, or even what happened with Emily.. I hope to do a lot this year, I'd like to mature, go somewhere with the band, meet my father, find a girl to start a wonderful relationship with, gain respect, start respecting, find a good hairstyle, be a better vegetarian, come home on time, get a tattoo or two, and most importantly become closer to the Lord. Here's to being seventeen and having a wonderful year of life.

Wow

People really, really are starting to dislike me. I've got a problem with kindness, I can be a saint to a stranger, but to my closest and dearest friend I am a dick, and the worst part of it is I don't realize it, I've worn out my sorrys and my excuses, so I am going to have to make some drastic changes towards her and to others in general.

I deal with a set of shackles everyday of my life. Its called Racism. Thats all I'm gonna say about that.

I am going through a change, a change that is for the better, I am working really, really hard to become a young man of God. Its hard and my outward actions seem as though I'm straying away, but I promise to anyone who reads this, and more importantly to myself that I am working to feel His grace more and more each day.

I'm not perfect, I'm young, I'm brash and I do care what other people say and think about me. I am trying not to let that last one bring me down.

Happy.

I am constantly telling people to be happy, I've realized that its been a while since I heard that myself.